“How can I lead or manage my boss without being a kiss-up?” an operations manager asked during a recent session of our EMS Leadership Academy. I love this question because it reveals an essential characteristic of a budding leader: a desire to influence change and move toward a destination.
Most people have someone, or several someones, above them—a boss, a chief, a board, a council. Often there is a need to influence those above to get resources and implement changes to improve things below. In fact, leading and managing your boss is an essential skill for anyone in the middle (which means most of us). But how do you influence your boss(es) while maintaining integrity and keeping your job? Here are some suggestions.
1. Let go of a common assumption. We often assume people above us are set in their ways and can’t change because of what business writer Patrick Lencioni calls a “fundamental attribution error.” In other words, when dealing with another person’s faults or shortcomings, we often attribute them to internal flaws that can’t be changed. But interestingly, when dealing with our own faults or shortcomings, we attribute them to a temporary shortcoming or situational mistake. So start by cutting your boss the same slack you give yourself and assume he or she might want to do better.
2. Try a middle-of-the-road approach. We often take one of two approaches when managing bosses. One is pushy: I have the answers. You need to listen to me. Let’s do it my way. The other is one of trying to please the boss, of being his best buddy—the proverbial kissing-up. Neither is effective over the long haul. Rather, what works is building a strong relationship that is not threatened by the truth. Such a relationship is built on trust, listening and truthful storytelling.
The currency of a strong relationship is trust, and trust is about ensuring that your words and actions match. Here’s the test: Do the bosses see you as consistently doing what you say you will do, and do you get it done on time? Do you hold confidences? Do you refrain from speaking poorly of others when they are not around? Even if the bosses don’t practice these attributes, they will notice them in you.
3. Spend more time listening than talking. Seek opportunities to find out what makes your bosses tick and what matters to them. What motivates, pleases and disappoints them? What is a boss’s career trajectory? What is he most worried about? Where is she taking the organization and why? If they are not leading the organization, seek to understand why. Pay attention to where their passion is focused. When appropriate, ask questions that show genuine interest. Listening is a gift and the tool to getting what you need: a deep knowledge of the person you hope to influence.
Truth and storytelling go hand in hand when managing up. In being a trusted listener you will have built a platform for speaking the truth. But truth is best spoken when connected to a story about what matters to the boss. Instead of just heading into his office and blurting out your truth or declaring that something needs to change, wrap the truth in a story that connects to what he cares about. If the truth is about your boss’s morale-destroying inaction about that problem employee, wrap the truth with a story about the things that concern her. Most bosses will appreciate your approach and your influence will grow.
Not all bosses can be influenced; some are threatened by having smart people with ideas below them. They will resist attempts at management from below and usually demonstrate such resistance by punishing, shaming and shunning. If that’s your experience, it’s time to polish your résumé and look for bosses who appreciate your talents.
John Becknell is the founding publisher of Best Practices. He is a consultant and partner at SafeTech Solutions.
