The top 10 'Ambulance Driver’s Perspective' top 10 lists

Kelly Grayson’s top 10 lists have been making us laugh for years; here’s a roundup of his best

EMS1 columnist Kelly Grayson, who writes the Ambulance Driver’s Perspective, is not afraid to be bold.

He’s talked openly in his columns about his own depression as a way to help other EMS providers cope; he’s provided a wide range of educational tips and leadership advice that comes with experience. Though he often tackles serious subjects, Grayson is also an accomplished humorist and satirist.

He makes us laugh! Coffee snorting, belly aching, you gotta hear this funny. We bring you: Top 10 of the Ambulance Driver’s ‘Top 10’!

1. Top 10 most commonly misinterpreted EMS abbreviations
A social worker may not understand why you called your dyspneic patient an SOB.

2. Top 10 most common EMS statements...and what they really mean
With age and experience, I learned not only how to choose my words more carefully, but how to translate the words of other paramedics. If EMS calls came with subtitles, chances are they'd read something like these.

3. Top 10 patient translations
For my rookie partner and any other EMT who hasn't yet developed a patient translator as finely nuanced as mine. "Medical problems? Nah, I'm generally healthy,” is a good place to start.

4. Top 10 EMS New Year's resolutions
“I resolve that, when assessing my patient's mental status, I will actually know the correct date before asking the patient. Nothing sucks worse than having your patient demonstrate that they're more oriented than you are.”

5. Top 10 punchlines to EMS T-shirt slogans
Those cliché, ignorant and misguided T-shirt slogans are better with a healthy dose of reality; just don't expect to find them in your Facebook news feed.

6. How to be a TV medic in 10 easy steps
Follow these useful tips and you can parlay your Hollywood street cred into a new career as a technical advisor on an EMS show.

7. Top 10 ways to celebrate the last EMS Week ever
People engage in risky behavior when they believe the world is ending, such as telling their supervisors what they really think of them.

8. Top 10 questions you're better off not asking in the ambulance
My partner asked the question we've all had at some point: “So, if you’ve had this for a week, what made it an emergency at 3 a.m.? Bless his sparky little rookie heart.

9. Top 10 things Kelly can't do in EMS
For those of us who are perpetually juvenile, the maturation of EMS is somewhat bittersweet as we look back fondly on the days when we could Saran wrap the toilets at the station without fear of a workplace harassment lawsuit.

10. Top 10 EMS endings to fairy tales
Many popular fairy tales might be more realistic if EMS entered the story.

Do you have an idea for a Top 10 list for Grayson to tackle? Share your ideas in the comments.

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