The Daily Scoop
ARTY FISCHEL, Mo. — EMS chiefs in the town of Arty Fischel have introduced a revolutionary new patient refusal form.
The new forms, which will be distributed to all EMS units and operatives beginning April 1 and implemented as SOPs at all accident scenes shortly thereafter, give medics another tool while responding to emergencies.
“Our people need the proper tools to do the job of providing emergency medical services to people who need them. Sadly, the litigious nature of the citizenry necessitates the added paperwork,” said EMS director Kay Oss.
To: All Field Operatives
From: Arty Fischel EMS
Refusal Form (Revised)
I,_______________________________ (EMT Name) representing _________________________________(Agency Name)
on ___________________ (Date of accident, “injury,”) have assessed the scene and patient and do hereby refuse to treat or transport because:
(check appropriate field. More than one checks is acceptable)
__ Patient is on cell phone and ignored responders when approached
__ Patient actively hiding something in trunk upon EMS arrival
__ Patient over dramatizing injuries to the point of absurdity
__ Patient cannot possibly be injured regardless of what The Law Firm states on their daytime television spots.
__ Zero mechanism of injury combined with patient’s mechanisms of running around accident scene negates any legitimacy whatsoever.
__ Patient is obviously full of s$#@
I hereby release myself and all other responders from litigation and disciplinary action as a result of my refusal to participate in the ongoing fraud and weakening of the general public’s moral fiber by the combined forces of unscrupulous law firms, medical facilities, physical therapy businesses affiliated with aforementioned unscrupulous law firms and medical facilities, body shops and whoever else profits from the sweat and labor of the nation’s emergency responders who spend more time than you could imaging boarding and collaring people who think they hit the lottery because some poor slob tapped into them.
Print Name____________________
Signature_____________________
Date______________________