When a new EMS director recently lamented having a tough time getting his employees to trust him, I suggested he show some vulnerability. The previous director had run the place like Mr. Rooney, the high school principal in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and had become notorious for his many secrets and broken promises. The employees were a tough bunch of wisecracking independents who would have nothing to do with the new director’s efforts to change things. So when I suggested he talk to them about his weaknesses as a boss, he looked shocked and said, “You’re kidding! Those guys will eat me alive if they think I’m weak.”
The new director was right—to a point. In conventional leadership modeling, where leaders portray strength and invincibility and presume to have all the answers, vulnerability is a liability. These leaders need to portray themselves as tough, smart and in control. But the conventional model does not work when there is a trust wound in the relationship between the leader and the led. Trust wounds in any relationship are difficult to heal, but showing some vulnerability can help.
To be vulnerable means to be capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, or open to attack or damage. To show vulnerability in a relationship is to let the other person (or, in this case, the other people) see your weaknesses. Showing vulnerability in broken-trust relationships levels the playing field and demonstrates humanity and sincerity.
The president of Domino’s Pizza, J. Patrick Doyle, recently demonstrated vulnerability by participating in a high-stakes advertising campaign that shows dissatisfied customers trashing his food. They use words like “ketchup” and “cardboard” to describe his pizza. Of course, Doyle then explains that Domino’s has listened and improved its food, but what stands out about this ad and makes it memorable is the huge vulnerability Doyle shows by saying, “You’re right. Our pizza isn’t good.”
Vulnerability is “actually a sign of strength,” writes Patrick Lencioni, author of the new business fable about being vulnerable titled Getting Naked. “People who are genuinely open and transparent prove that they have the confidence and self-esteem to allow others to see them as they really are, warts and all. There’s something undeniably magnetic about people who can do that.” Getting vulnerable can neutralize fear and lay a foundation of trust.
However, getting naked is not easy. Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks who has had his share of trust issues surrounding treating and paying employees fairly, says, “The hardest thing about being a leader is demonstrating or showing vulnerability.” It demands a sacrifice of ego, a demonstration of humility and a real confrontation with the fear that people may say, “Yeah, you are an awful leader.” But it also opens the door for a new beginning—the beginning of a relationship that is based on an honesty about who we really are. For me, this means asking: Where am I vulnerable? What don’t I want people to know about me? What am I willing to risk to develop more trust? Deepening trust is always a risky proposition.
“You’re right, they may eat you alive,” I told the new director. “But that might be a good place to start. Give them something to chew on by telling them you’re not sure how to lead them, how to earn their trust, how to erase the last guy’s legacy, that you don’t have many answers. Then sit back and listen.”
John Becknell is the founding publisher of Best Practices. You can reach him at jmbecknell@gmail.com.
