The 2008 Excellence in EMS Award Winner

Winner of the 2008 Excellence in EMS Award

Your Life – Our Mission – My Honor

By Kelly Buddenhagen
Paramedic, Gilmer County EMS, Georgia

Gasping for breath, no strength to move, pain ripping through my chest; I struggle to dial three simple numbers: 9 - 1 - 1. Time stretches by the minute, seeming like hours as I strain for air, will I survive to when help arrives? I think about my children, my parents, scenes start flowing in front of my eyes, I think of how this can’t be happening to me — too young, too healthy, too much to do. Where are they, it seems like hours since I dialed, I am fading — what will they think when they find me?

Startled by the noise, I can’t stop my heart from pounding. This is it, this is what I have trained so long for — I am ready, I am so prepared, I am ready to save a life. So many things to think about: get the right address, know the quickest route, watch the other traffic, my truck is ready, my partner is ready, I am ready, go over in my head — A for airway, B for breathing. Now I know what my instructor meant that practice turns into instinct if you do it right.

I was never asked for my credentials, never questioned as to my morality, just inherently trusted to do the right thing, have the right education, use the right skills, and know what to accomplish without question. I will never forget the eyes of my patient, longing for me to help, trusting my every move. It could have been your mom, but for the time I was present — she was mine. I remember the instructor telling me about the feelings I would have, but I never thought it would affect me. I know the skills; I practiced for hours to get them right, to be the best. My instructor was right; the real skills aren’t in the book.

Fifteen years later I am no longer startled by the tones in the station, surprised only by the ever-increasing violence of the world. I still read, study, learn and practice — EMS is not a place to become complacent. The ever changing treatments, new drugs, new challenges; keeping up to date is a full-time passion. I still remember that first call, and many more since. The thing I remember the most — is that when someone calls for help — regardless of the reason, my being on scene is a privilege and honor. There are many new EMS folks that may not yet understand, but I do. My life has been enriched by the lives I have shared these times with; partners, friends, communities and strangers. Each call molding and shaping the ever-constant reminder — I am trusted without question to make a difference in their lives when they feel like their lives are ending. Holding a hand, brushing away a tear, comforting the lonely; skills we should be tested on that were never mentioned in the texts.

People often ask me what the worst call I have ever had was, most all of us have been asked. Most of the answers I hear describe a horrific scene, often involving children, truly so it is. I too have many calls that fit the description, but the worst call is still ahead as we know. My answer often surprises those who like to hear the gory details, because the worst call I explain is different. The call I dread the most — the call in which I forget what an honor it is to serve another human being with presumed trust with another’s life.

In a career with the average burnout is 5-10 years, I am privileged to serve a community that trusts me to do the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, with the right skills. I am honored to be in a profession that knows what to do when they walk in to someone’s life at the worst time, under the worst circumstances and remind them that we are all worth saving.

Excellence in EMS Award submissions were reviewed and scored by members of the following panel of judges: Steve Berry, Angela Clark Burba, Kelly Grayson, Bob Loftus, Mike McEvoy and a representative from the EMS1 Editorial Team.