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The Spoof
by The Spoof

EMTs embrace new role as Obamacare website tech support

Considering the average EMT spends less than 25 percent of a shift administering patient care, the additional job requirement should not be problematic

By Michael Morse

WASHINGTON — Anyone suffering from a treatable condition as outlined in the Affordable Healthcare Act — or from frustration while trying to access the site, Healthcare.gov — will soon have access to around-the-clock EMTs to expedite the application process.

The Obama administration has authorized the use of the nation’s EMTs to act as liaisons between the consumer and the website starting April 30. Ambulances will be receiving fresh paint jobs to more closely resemble The Geek Squad's tech support vehicles, sending the message that medics can be flagged down at any point to assist with Obamacare support.

“EMS professionals have been trying for years to get a seat at the nation’s health care table,” said Sidney Vicios, a spokesman for The United EMTs of America (UEMTA). “Though admittedly table scraps, this is an opportunity we welcome.”

“Utilizing the incredible untapped resources of EMS, we will be able to shift the burden of health care from the overworked and, quite frankly, underappreciated administrators, to the nation’s under-utilized EMTs,” said Barbara Pushdapencil, a spokeswoman for the Department of Transportation. “Considering the average EMT spends less than 25 percent of their shift administering patient care, the additional job requirement will not be problematic.”

The director of EMS was unable to provide and commentary due to the fact that he does not presently exist.

About the author

"The Spoof" comedy section brings together fake, fictitious and entirely made-up "news" articles by the EMS1 team of staff writers and columnists. Want to get creative? Send us your news story satires to editor@ems1.com!
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