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Home > Topics > EMS Humor
August 07, 2013
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The Spoof
by The Spoof

New TV series 'Stretcher Fetchers' dedicated to realistic portrayal of EMS

The groundbreaking series will pair regular American citizens with medics as they go out every day to save lives

By Arthur Hsieh

Hollywood, CA — NBC/ Universal has announced it will debut a new reality television show this fall focused on our true homeland heroes: medics.

Billed as the first ever ‘traumedy,’ "Stretcher Fetchers" will merge the foodie appeal of "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" with the relationship drama of “Real Housewives”, and add a dash of adventure a la "The Amazing Race." The groundbreaking series will pair regular American citizens with medics as they go out every day to save lives.

"We are committed to authenticity with this show," said W.T. Fooken, the show’s producer. "We’ve learned from previous shows like Trauma and Chicago Fire that EMS folks hate being depicted as stereotypes or portrayed as obscenely attractive and sexually virile. This show won't feature helicopters buzzing the tower, or buxom attractive females bursting out of their uniform tops. It'll be a true 'reality' show, for better or worse, and we’re excited to peel back the curtain and give average citizens a peek into the thrill that is day-to-day EMS."

Taped in fabulous locales such as Saint Paul Avenue in Memphis (TN), Wyoming Street in Detroit (MI) and East 60th Street in Chicago (IL), producers have leaked a few details about upcoming show highlights. Some featured segments will include competitions such as the following:

  • Ping Pong Posting: In this segment, teams of medics drive from one post to another, all night long. The goal is to drive the highest number of miles in the least amount of time. Bonus points are awarded when the citizen ridealong in the back of the ambulance vomits, with additional prizes if it happens more than once.
  • Gas Station Gastronomics: Medics will compete in convenience store cookouts, creating culinary delights from frozen food products and various dehydrated beef items.   Limited to using store microwaves and ambulance dashboards for food preparation, they must create a meal, then fill an 120 ounce soft drink cup, and balance everything while running back to the rig to drive code three to a call. Points are awarded for highest sodium levels, as well as eating everything without soiling their uniforms. Points are deducted from the crew whose ridealong drops their meal on the floor of the ambulance during transit, but extra advancement steps are awarded if they pick it up and eat it – especially after the last trauma call.
  • No Drama, No Trauma: Crews compete for the title of Drama Queen or King by revealing who is divorcing whom, who is sleeping with whom (who is also sleeping with someone else), and how many jobs they're working to make ends meet while simultaneously bragging about who’s got the biggest truck tires on their personal 4x4s. The last ridealong to cover their ears and gasp, "What the hell — are you all NUTS?!" wins the challenge.

According to the network, the pilot is schedule to air in the fall, and plans are already in place for a firefighting spinoff featuring firefighters competing in such time-honored traditions as recliner races, racy Facebook postings and chest pounding.

About the author

"The Spoof" comedy section brings together fake, fictitious and entirely made-up "news" articles by the EMS1 team of staff writers and columnists. Want to get creative? Send us your news story satires to editor@ems1.com!
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